When growing up in a narcissistic household, the children become unhealthy adults. They lacked control over anything as kids, so they grow up as controlling adults whether they are codependent caretakers or narcissists. Unhealthy behaviors learned in childhood manifest in adulthood in some way. The unhealthy adult must understand this concept or forever be a prisoner of their childhood.

To move from unhealthy to healthy behaviors, humility and honesty is required. The individual must be humble enough to surrender to the unknown. Life (your unconscious) will usually produce an event that breaks you and forces you to grow your humility or live in a numb state. When you realize that you do not know everything, you can take steps to become more knowledgeable. This is the process of recognizing a problem. Now that the problem has been recognized, steps can be taken to address it. Being able to listen to others, reflect on your choices, and analyze the consequences can bring you to your knees and humble you.

Hence, when some people are spoken to about the healing they need, they go into a state of denial and defense because they have yet to encounter the experience that forces humility. I have seen people well into their 40’s who are clueless, while some in their 20’s have been humbled and realize that something is not right in their lives.

The problem is masked when life appears to go right, in an unhealthy state. In that state, the individual is complying with everything their society and culture requires and is basically being used by everyone without their knowledge. They are fitting into society and think things are good. Yet, fitting in limits you since your ego is performing to do so. This puts them in a state that suggests their life is good, so “can’t nobody tell them nothing”. It is a very dangerous state that leads to denial and a lack of humility.

On the other hand, if the individual is bumping into all sides of the labyrinth while experiencing betrayals, they are much more likely to show humility and take corrective action with their behavior. These are the type of people who are ready to learn and take on the road less traveled.

Conclusion

You can’t fix a problem if you don’t identify it. Humility is required for real healing that can transform your life and help you shift your daily life from surviving to thriving.