The goal of life is not to be good. Rather, the goal is to be whole and to dictate your life from there. This distinction is crucial to living a life worth living. As a matter of fact, once you get to wholeness, you begin to realize that all human beings are writing the same story (explore the Song Analysis category). The way they tell their story is just a matter of where along the path to wholeness they’ve encountered.

If you grew up in an abusive or neglectful household, then you were always made to take on assigned roles that you never consciously agreed to. Then, after taking on those roles for a while, you begin to identify with them. This is harmful because it doesn’t allow you to develop other areas of your life since you must live up to your role, which eventually makes the role necessary for your existence. All the role does is keep you prisoner, keep you predictable, and keep you from developing all the parts of you that make you whole.

Also note that the roles need their opposites to make them worthwhile. For example, a caretaker needs a taker and a peacemaker needs a trouble maker to make trouble.

Caretaker

This is the one who takes care of others and is always there for them. The person plays a parental role, taking care of others and often providing them with housing. Foolish decisions such as being a co-signer on a car loan do not raise a red flag for this type of person. This is a dangerous role that can leave the codependent trapped in their own making.

Rescuer

The rescuer arrives after the crisis and drama have occurred. They often bail friends and family members out of jail or intervene in conflicts before things get too tense. The rescuer often does what nobody else will do such as fly to another state to pick somebody up, drive 50 plus miles to check someone’s mail, or take a trip to the client at work that nobody else wants to do. They are also unpaid counselors who may have their whole day modified because somebody is having a hard time and reached out. They feel superior because they have rescued the victim from the persecutor. Little do they know that they may soon become the persecutor or the victim.

Fixer

This person fixes the mess others make. They may give constructive criticism (something the person they are helping resents) as they fix it, but they will still feel the need to step in on behalf of the other. At work, they may be the ones who stay late or are on call more than others to address a potential after-hours crisis.

Peacemaker

This person wants to make peace by predicting others’ moods and trying to soothe things before they get out of hand. This is a horrible role, but it makes them feel important.

People Pleaser

This person doesn’t want to offend anyone. They completely change and adapt to please everyone and be seen as a good person. They do not necessarily know that pleasing everyone makes them entirely predictable. Unfortunately, this person has no idea who they are, so they will need a few lessons from the unconscious before they realize that developing their sense of self is important. This role is detrimental to the soul and leads to resentment.

Emotional Translator

This person translates and softens what the other person means to keep a lid on things and prevent them from getting out of hand. This is similar to the peacemaker and the mediator.

Damage caused by roles

The above roles cause immense damage to the psyche of a person. By taking on these roles, the individual suppresses intuitions and feelings that don’t agree with the role they’ve adopted. This causes an internal fight when a decision needs to be made and while they are reflecting on earlier events. If they decide to identify with the role, they become predictable and easy to use. Manipulators love predictable people since it is easy to get the result they are aiming for with a few sequential actions.

Resentment grows in the unconscious as real feelings are suppressed into the shadow. These roles leave the individual blind to the lack of integration of their shadow while they identify with their holier-than-thou image. They force them to set parts of themselves aside to show society that they are whatever role they’ve adopted. They are all ego-based roles that will eventually lead to the breakdown of the individual.

These roles also enable dysfunction rather than allowing what’s buried beneath to surface and consequences to land at their source.

Losing the Role

In order to heal, the role must be discarded, and the real self must come out. Healing doesn’t happen at the ego level, and recovering your shadow is imperative to becoming a whole person. Adopting a role holds you to an unrealistic standard of living. Rather than you living as you are, you live to what the role suggests you should be. This is fake and a product of the ego, which will lead to a reckoning through dreams, signs, or the body if the earlier signals are ignored.

Conclusion

The above roles are adopted in order to survive childhood. Once the child becomes an adult, the unconscious does not update and continues to play the same roles in the adult world. With their under developed sense of self, the roles are required to make them feel like they have a reason for existing in the world. These roles eventually lead to resentment, suppressed anger, and bitterness, as you try to live up to a role others identify you with. To take charge, you need to ditch all roles and integrate your shadow to become whole.