When you fall for a scam, you’ve followed a script created by someone with no empathy all the way through. Then many clueless people suggest that it could never be me. I’m too smart for that, or whatever they’ve made up in their head. However, anyone can fall for a SCAM if they lack self-confidence and don’t know how to set boundaries.

If you’ve been successfully scammed before (and the author has been scammed multiple times throughout his life), bigger issues may be at play. Let’s get to the nitty-gritty.

The scammer has no empathy

People who take advantage of others lack empathy. They are self-absorbed and only care about themselves. The plight of others is of no concern to them; they gladly see you as a fool for falling for the trick they played on you, rather than any fault from their disgraceful behavior. This is equivalent to saying the scammer has a mental disorder that allows them to see you as an object rather than a human being; hence, you will never get remorse from a scammer, just all of the things you’d get if you were in an abusive relationship with a mentally ill person. Blame game, lying, gaslighting, isolation, and playing the victim, to name a few.

The scammed likely took on a caretaker role as a child

Here’s where it gets really ugly. The scammer plays on your unconscious desire to be seen as good. If you understand the manipulation cycle, there is either love bombing or threats sent your way by someone who is convincing. The person being scammed has been subjected to gaslighting their entire life, which is what the scammer does. They have you adapt to their version of reality while you second-guess yourself, as you’ve done all your life.

Once they know the victim is hooked, they have full control over you as you try to live up to your ego. This is all unconscious processing that allows the SCAM to be successfully completed. The victim will have been gaslit to believe the scammer is who they say they are, with an imaginary authority that exists only in their head. Even as the gut feeling of the victim continually communicates with them, the victim will rationalize it away. This should sound familiar if you grew up in an abusive or neglectful household.

“Being scammed is a learning opportunity that reveals areas of your life you have disowned.”

The victim may realize shortly after the scam is successful that they’ve been scammed, or it may go on for months or years. The breaking point is when the victim runs out of resources and can no longer fulfill the scam. At this point, the scammer has used up the victim and will go on to others while disappearing. If you realize you’ve been scammed after the scammer disappears, you have serious healing work to do, starting with learning to set boundaries and listening to your gut feeling (your inner child). Unfortunately, the victim will likely be devastated at this point, with minimal resources left to address the scam.

Scam Prevention Example

Here’s a quick example of how the author recently fended off a scam. I was driving while working as a delivery driver. The person I was to deliver to called me and said the delivery was fraudulent, I should cancel it and mark it as such. I’d be given a $30 bonus for providing information about the fraudulent delivery. This put me in a good mood, as I would be paid quite well for stopping fraud. The scammer then had me log off the app and asked for my phone number. Prior to that, I had said I would not be giving out too much information, as my inner child was bothering me in the hours after midnight.

I complied and gave my number to the professional, friendly-sounding lady. That was pretty much all I was willing to give up, considering the delivery service should already have my information. Then a text was sent to me saying that the delivery service company will never ask for this one-time code. The scammer then asks for that code over the phone. I literally read the text back to the scammer and said NO, I will not be giving you the code (a clear boundary a healed person could confidently set). When it was evident the scammer would not get the code, they hung up. I tried to report them, but it seemed like the person was having trouble with me saying that the transaction marked fraudulent was a customer who was defrauding drivers. Either way, nothing happened to me that night outside of having to log out of the app. 

As someone who has been scammed multiple times and has turned his excess empathy into wisdom, I’ve shut down many scams before they even start. However, once the script starts to roll, if you do not have the confidence to trust your perception and set boundaries, all the wisdom you have gained is for naught, as you add another horrible experience to the list. To be truly prepared for the world (of scammers), setting boundaries is the only way to go.

Conclusion

Being scammed is not the end of the world. However, you will feel drained from the amount of energy and resources you put into it. If you do not take steps to heal and learn to set healthy boundaries, you will be susceptible to being scammed in the future. And that is not something anyone wants to deal with again.