You are excited about your bundle of joy, but you may be unaware of the narcissist in your life and their reasons for having a child. Your joy is never in a narcissist’s best interest, and narcissists are self-centered and only care about themselves. Therefore, if you have a child with a narcissist, your joy will be short-lived. Let’s dive in.

The joy you experience in the birth of your child is wonderful and helps the narcissist to appear to be a normal person to the outside world. However, as they do not care about you, you will also eventually find out they don’t care about the child. The toxic relationship you experienced and the abuse suffered at the hands of your unconscious attraction will eventually show up in the raising of the child.

CONTROL OF THE CHILD

The narcissist is very controlling when it comes to children, so beware when having kids with these types of people. If you never set boundaries and are consumed by them, then all will appear fine. However, if you start setting boundaries, you are in for the fight of your life with the children. And you will probably lose. The sex of the codependent is irrelevant. The narcissist, male or female, will probably win since they’ve been setting up the smear campaign from the moment they met you.

Children have a full range of emotions, and a narcissist cannot stand that since they’ve buried their vulnerable emotions. This means the child will eventually become a nuisance to the mentally ill parent. Therefore, emotional abuse and gaslighting will eventually be used on the child, and the child will not be able to attach to the parent. See the article on secure and insecure attachment for more on this important concept. This puts the child’s future up for grabs, regardless of whether they succeed in life.

When the child gets older, the narcissist sees them as a free labor resource. They use them for their skills, household chores, and as a free money-lending bank. All they have to say is “After all that I’ve done for you”, as though you were given a choice in their decision. There are many gaslighting statements in this area, so feel free to comment on absurd statements by your narcissistic parent that made them feel justified in using you.

Once the child gets to an age where they can speak for themselves, but are still dependents, this is a very vulnerable state that makes or breaks the child. If the child fights back, the narcissistic parent will practically discard the child, which will likely mean the child will become an abuser. If, however, the child fawns on their parent’s abuse, the child will become a people pleaser and attract abusers when they grow up. This section is not about attachment styles, but rather to know that when the child can speak for themselves, the narcissist no longer has complete control over their facade. So, the child will become a huge burden if they stand up for themselves.

CODEPENDENT CARETAKERS ENABLE ABUSE

The codependent will enable abuse because they wouldn’t want to become the source of the child’s abuse from the narcissist, in addition to the daily abuse they suffer. This abuse is less obvious if the codependent caretaker is very unhealthy and is unaware of how much energy they waste being used. This will put the child into the same horrible choices of a partner as their toxic parents. The child will not be raised because two people with adult child syndrome are raising it. They are just funding the child as they get older until they move out. The child will then have to raise themselves the best they can, and they will also have adult child syndrome. Think of the 15-year-old entitled baby mama.

The codependent has two choices if they are consumed by their abuser. They will either be so consumed that they display the same disgusting parenting as the narcissist. Or they will try to give genuine empathy and love to the child in private, so as not to upset their abuser. Both of these behaviors enable the abuser. If, on the other hand, the codependent starts to take a stand and say no when it comes to the treatment of the child, then things will go sour for the codependent quickly. And it will be horrible, but necessary for both them and the child.

NARCISSIST’S USUALLY WIN IN COURTS

The narcissist has been plotting the smear campaign in their delusional narrative the entire time they’ve known the codependent. And when custody issues are at play, that’s when it gets really ugly. The narcissist must have full control, so they have no issue taking the child and isolating and abandoning it from the codependent who started to set boundaries. They’ll say one thing about how children need both parents when presenting a facade to the public, but dare the codependent try to assert independence, and all of a sudden, they are the only ones who can have access to the child.

The narcissist will win in the courts for three reasons. The first being the elaborate smear campaign they’d been setting up upon meeting the codependent. However, they also spend a large amount of time gaslighting their victim, so if the codependent accepts the narcissist’s version of reality, which is very common, then they effectively give up and give full control to the narcissist. The final reason narcissists win in courts is that most judges and lawyers are narcissists. And narcissists always side with narcissists. Think flying monkeys. This is all unconscious, how it works, but regardless, the codependent male or female has a huge hill to climb that has a 1-degree slant to outdo a narcissist in the courtroom.

I’ve heard countless stories of the narcissist winning in court, male or female. It is a fallacy to believe the mother has an advantage in the courtroom over a manipulator. I’ve heard too many stories of women saying the narcissist won in the courtroom, with some women even being required to have supervised visitation to see their child.

I have also had my daughter stolen from me, and called everything play-by-play, only to have no one in the courtroom listen. The drama is still unfolding, and I haven’t given up on my daughter yet; the fraud is obvious at this point. It is sad for society that truth is ignored over a predetermined narrative from a psychologically defunct person, but this is the reality of having children with narcissists. Please feel free to share your experiences in the comments.

CONCLUSION

It is obvious that the self-absorbed narcissist acts just the same, even in the face of children. The child gives the narcissist an endless amount of supply from a being that will adore them and is easy to fully control. This type of upbringing does not allow the child to properly attach to the parent, which puts their life in a toss-up regarding potential outcomes. So, I guess the conclusion is, if you’re with a narcissist, please don’t have a child with them. That child will have a very tough life, no matter what.