Abuse is prevalent all over the world. However, spotting abuse is not quite as easy as it may seem. When you grew up in an abusive or neglectful household and had to adapt your being to survive, you began to identify abuse as normal. Hence, although you are likely being abused, you may not identify with it. Here’s a checklist to go through to help you consider if you are in an abusive situation. Keep in mind that relationships include family, friends, colleagues, and romantic partners. Any of these relationships can be abusive.

This is an “has this happened to me” checklist, not a theory of abuse. If any of these have happened to you, then a deeper dive is recommended. My experience deals with a female abuser. A male abuser would be slightly modified, but have the same themes.

1. Have you had a pair of socks missing? The socks didn’t disappear in the dryer or washer. It is most likely gaslighting by an abuser who removes a pair or two to confuse your reality.
2. Have you been cheated on? This implies an unhealthy relationship of two half people trying to make a whole relationship. A relationship is healthy when two whole people are involved.
3. Your relationship has changed, and you are trying everything you can to get it back to the way it used to be. This is likely because you fell for a mask. And you are now feeling the abuse, mistaking it for your own issues.
4. Bra parts found at random places throughout the room
5. Lingerie parts are found at random places throughout the home
6. Earrings found at random places throughout the home
7. Photos found at strange places throughout the home, rather than as an expression of love (this is so that others find out a woman lives there)
8. Home fragrances are purchased, but parts are missing to make the home smell good
9. Ties go missing (The tie completes the suit, but is hidden for additional stress right before your interview)
10. Hair (actual hair) found to signify to others that a woman lives here, rather than hair falling out
11. Kitchen appliances you liked go missing and are put into storage
12. Pressure washer nozzles go missing from your pressure washer
13. Rats and other rodents show up
14. You seem to buy the same thing over and over. This is most likely a result of gaslighting.
15. Your car accessories go missing (sun shade, detail products, windshield washer fluid)
16. Sandpaper goes missing or is found in strange places
17. Books you were reading that brought you joy or helped you improve go missing
18. Binoculars go missing
19. Headlamps go missing
20. Measuring tape goes missing
21. Wire cutters go missing
22. Water hose attachments go missing
23. Mini screwdrivers go missing
24. Paint brushes and accessories go missing
25. Wrenches and sockets go missing
26. Quarters go missing (for shooting pool as a hobby or amateur)
27. Notebooks with your ideas go missing
28. Putty for plumbing goes missing (to the garage)
29. Voltage and outlet testers go missing (to the garage)
30. Shoes go missing
31. Hair clippers go missing
32. Nail clippers go missing
33. Gym bag goes into hiding
34. Shampoo and conditioner go missing
35. Microfiber towels (which you love) seem to disappear
36. DVD players seem to go missing or stop working
37. Remote controls go missing
38. Ethernet cords seem to disappear
39. Fast chargers go missing
40. Meaningful photos get put into storage or go missing
41. Random things you buy break in your home (your abuser plays dumb and shows you)
42. Your school (you are proud of) history seems to get erased from your home
43. Business cards are seen in strange places or go missing
44. Microphones get put up and hidden away
45. Lint brushes go missing
46. Batteries go missing
47. Important parts of tools seem to disappear (unique cables, attachments, memory cards)

THE ABUSE CHECKLIST HAS Happened To Me

If one or more of the above have happened to you, either in a relationship at home, with friends, or with a romantic partner, then it is likely you are being abused and manipulated without your awareness. The overall theme is your abuser making things you need or enjoy hard to find or use. You must come to grips with your situation and take steps to protect yourself. The first step is to remove your denial defense. This defense only keeps you imprisoned in your false ego. Then you must realize that the poor parenting you received has likely left you in this predicament. And you will remain in this predicament until you embrace and integrate your shadow aspects and learn to set healthy boundaries. All of this is very complicated work that can take years to unravel, but the first step is identifying that you are being abused. Once you do that, you now have the pathway to healing and a life as a whole human being.

“Until you bring your unconscious into consciousness, it will run your life, and you will call it fate.
– Carl Jung”