The goal of life is not to be good. Rather, the goal is to be whole and to dictate your life from there. This distinction is crucial to living a life worth living. As a matter of fact, once you get to wholeness, you begin to realize that all human beings are writing the same story (explore the Song Analysis category). The way they tell their story is just a matter of where along the path to wholeness they’ve encountered.

If you grew up in an abusive or neglectful household, then you were always made to take on assigned roles that you never consciously agreed to. Then, after taking on those roles for a while, you begin to identify them. These roles that appear to make you a good person keep you prisoner in your own life as you disown parts of you that make you a whole human being.

Caretaker

This is the one who takes care of others and is always there for them. The person plays a parental role, taking care of others and often providing them with housing. This is a dangerous role that can leave the codendent trapped in their own making.

Rescuer

The rescuer arrives after the crisis and drama have occurred. They often bail friends and family members out of jail or intervene in conflicts before things get too tense. They feel superior because they have rescued the victim from the persecutor. Little do they know that they may soon become the persecutor or the victim.

Fixer

This person fixes the mess others make. They may give constructive criticism (something the person they are helping resents) as they fix it, but they will still feel the need to step in on behalf of the other.

Peacemaker

This person wants to make peace by predicting others’ moods and trying to soothe things before they get out of hand. This is a horrible role, but it makes them feel important.

People Pleaser

This person doesn’t want to offend anyone. They completely change and adapt to please everyone and be seen as a good person. This role is detrimental to the soul.

Emotional Translator

This person translates what the other person means to keep a lid on things and prevent them from getting out of hand. This is similar to the peacemaker and the mediator.

Damage caused by roles

The above roles cause immense damage to the psyche of a person. By taking on these roles, the individual suppresses intuitions and feelings that don’t agree with the role they’ve adopted. If they decide to identify with the role, they become predictable and easy to use. Manipulators love predictable people since it is easy to get the result they are aiming for with a few sequential actions.

Resentment grows in the unconscious as real feelings are suppressed into the shadow. These roles leave the individual blind to the lack of integration of their shadow while they identify with the holier-than-thou image. They force them to set parts of themselves aside to show society that they are whatever role they’ve adopted. They are all ego-based roles that will eventually lead to the breakdown of the individual.

Losing the Role

In order to heal, the role must be discarded, and the real self must come out. Healing doesn’t happen at the ego level, and recovering your shadow is imperative to becoming a whole person. Adopting a role holds you to an unrealistic standard of living. Rather than you living as you are, you live to what the role suggests you should be. This is fake and a product of the ego.

Conclusion

The above roles are adopted in order to survive childhood. Once the child becomes an adult, the unconscious does not realize it and continues to play the same roles in the adult world. This eventually leads to resentment, suppressed anger, and bitterness, as you try to live up to a role others identify you with. To take charge, ditch the role and integrate your shadow to become whole.