If you’re dating someone over 25 and when you meet their family, you realize that they live together with their parents or have lived with them recently, this may constitute a red flag that you should pay close attention to. Especially if grown children in their 30’s live with their adult parents. Let’s dive in.

In normal healthy families, the adults provide unconditional love to their children and eventually have them separate from them as their own unique presence and soul. This modeling of real genuine love will teach the child what love looks like so as not to attract disrespectful abusers and manipulators. This is a tough process to let something you love free, but is necessary for growth and healthy relationships. This implies that the children in fairly healthy families will move out when they are older and live out their own lives with their parents in their corner.

However, if you find out that grown children over the age of 30 are still living with their parents, this likely constitutes a red flag. This is because you may be looking at a perfect cult family, where everyone serves as extensions of the master abuser, either the mother or father. Regardless of how they charm you or make you feel like you’re part of the family, you need to know that when shit hits the fan, you’re going to be a complete outsider. This is because the family has to be unhealthy, since none of their adult children are independent and living on their own.

If you don’t confront the situation with your partner about adult children living with other adults, (pro tip: do not let anyone living with their parents move in) you are in for a treat when conflict arises with their family involvment. If you should be brave enough to confront them and inform them of the unhealthy way in which the family operates, you’ll realize quickly if they are a cult family or just a family on hard times. It is much more likely that family with grown children are a cult family that will turn on you in a heartbeat. All of the tactics used by abusers are used by each member of the family to protect the cult leader. All of them will have adult child syndrome and effectively be part of the family cult.

LIKELY EVENTS IN A PERFECT FAMILY CULT

Either the mother or father is the dominant and controlling player (the mentally disordered person). The dominant person establishes their dominance and requires all members of the family to ensure they play the role they’ve been assigned in the cult. The weaker player and partner of the cult leader is completely consumed and irrelevant to any power within the family. The children grow up as extensions of the master abuser with minimal information for a good upbringing. Because they do not attach to the cult leader, what the children attach to is up in the air. Based on what they attach to, if something bad happens, that will add to the long list of family secrets. Anything that paints the master abuser in a bad light is kept secret while the fake love that paints them in a good light is broadcast to satisfy the narrative and facade.

By the time you come around, the master abuser has already sabotaged multiple potentially healthy relationships away from their victims. There are many secrets amongst the family members because manufactured drama by the cult leader to control their victims has produced many negative outcomes. You end up meeting the parents quickly almost as if they are conducting a compatibility test of your personality or worthiness to the cult. All of the family members will suffer from adult child syndrome who do not have the skills to function in the real world. 

The master abuser will be skilled at covering their tracks. Manipulation will be used against you to ensure your energy is focused on the scapegoat of the family rather than the actual kingpin of the cult. They will be very skilled at manipulation and have a large following of flying monkeys to help smear your name when it is all said and done. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to date another human and finally earn the love you’ve been searching for all your life (the issue is that the love you search for actually resides within you). The fact that all the members live together and none have used their energy to escape suggests severe consequences and punishments for anyone who tries to break away. On the minimal chance that one of the children was able to break away, they would become an outcast to the family and have their name smeared.

THE ROLE YOU’VE BEEN ASSIGNED

You are always below all members of the family cult. You will not know this because you’ve been lied to your entire life and are easily gaslit, but you are the weakest link. The only things that get permitted in your relationship are what your controlling abuser deems appropriate, and what the family of the abuser requires of your abuser. You will only find out you are the weakest link if you break the chains and free yourself from your abuser. Once you begin to do this, there is a likely chance you will get set up to make smearing your name easier. You are being shaped into being the next scapegoat for your abusive partner and their family.

ROLES OF THE PERFECT FAMILY

The roles you are likely to deal with in a perfect family cult.

Enforcer – bully that carries out physical demands of cult leader

Victim – variable role used when needed

Persecutor – inflicts pain

Pain Amplifier – amplifies pain

Rescuer – rescues others from pain

Abuser – controls others

Enabler – tries to be good

Family Hero – successful one in the world that makes the family appear normal

Scapegoat – blame from everyone is dumped on this person

Lost child – child that doesn’t follow orders of a delusional person

Mascot or pet (mommy’s boy daddy’s girl) – delusional person’s favorite

People pleaser – predicts needs and wants of cult

Overachiever – performs well in society to make family appear normal

Inadequate one or failure – doesn’t follow orders of cult leader

Perfectionist – overthinker who also overachieves

Martyr – sacrifices life libido to goodness

Grandiose – likes to be center of attention in a big scene

Selfish or narcissistic one – selfish one who does not care about the plans of others, but still keeps secrets

CONCLUSION

The master abuser of the cult family is usually a very mediocre person who is only good at brainwashing and controlling people. If you were to dig deep into the life of the master abuser, it would likely be unimpressive. However, you will start to become a part of them through gaslighting if you are not careful. Any attempt to break away will land you as the outcast of the family followed by a large smear campaign. Hence, if you see a family with grown children, it is advised to stay away and ensure your partner can live on their own without any help from you before you dive into anything serious.