Getting to the root cause of anything is imperative for striving to become better. Getting to the root cause of your relationships can transform your life into something meaningful and fulfilling. This, however, is not an easy path, and most relationships fall apart if one partner pursues the endeavor while the other attempts to sabotage and stay stagnant.

The source of the toxicity in your life is due to a lack of understanding what it means to be a whole human being. This suggests that your parents or caregiver are the source of why you experience toxicity. Your upbringing with them created the template for all of the future relationships you will have. Therefore, you will experience toxicity in the workplace, at home in a romantic relationship, and among friends and family of the same and opposite sex. The template you picked up applies to all relationships since most relationships are an unconscious meeting of two minds, seeing the part of themselves they disowned. This false sense of completion will lead to toxicity down the road once the fantasy is revealed to be false.

HEALTHY UPBRINGING

If your parents had been nurturing and healthy, they would’ve allowed you to feel and explore and comforted you during those times, guiding you about what your feelings meant and what your body was trying to communicate to you. As you took on new experiences, they would teach you and have exchanges with you about what you felt and how they saw things. This would develop your sense of self-respect, where others also consider your thoughts and feelings.

You would have your own perspective and their perspective, keeping the two of you separate and not enmeshed. And you would know that they have your back, giving you the confidence to step into the world and make your mark. As you began to experience the more negative feelings of sadness, fear, anger, disgust, and contempt, they’d be there to listen to you. After listening, they’d offer advice from their perspective and give you space if you needed it. This spacious, learning environment would foster the love and esteem for yourself needed to navigate the real world, where manipulation exists at every turn. You would also experience love unconditionally, without having to perform to be loved for who you are.

FIXING THINGS FROM THE SOURCE

Because you have not integrated the parts of yourself that you idolize in another, you will always unconsciously attract what your psyche is missing. However, everything you see in another is also within you. So, the answer is to come home to yourself and integrate the parts of you that you were taught to disown to fit in. Reclaim those pieces of you that you were told you had to let go of by those who wanted to control you. Integrate those portions back into your life and learn to set healthy boundaries. Without boundaries, it is virtually impossible to reclaim and choose your life.

Learn to sit with yourself and your psyche and allow what your true self communicates with you to come to the surface. Your body is always healing itself, whether physically or psychologically. Trust it. Learn to trust your gut and your perception again. Don’t be scared to lose people who have shown they do not respect your boundaries. Anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries doesn’t respect you. You will learn that it is better to cut the relationship hours or days into it, than to have your life force drained three years later only for the same result to happen with you in a much more depleted state. You will also learn that your shadow and unconscious are at least 10 times as intelligent as your conscious mind. When you learn to trust yourself, you can build the life you’ve always dreamed of. If you just keep betraying yourself to fit in, you will play small ball and never reach your full potential or true destiny.

“YOU MUST HEAL TO ELIMINATE THE CHANCE OF FUTURE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS”

CONCLUSION

These steps are difficult because they require humility and honesty. They also eventually destroy your ego, so your true self can be revealed. Your ego is why you find it hard to be humble, real, and stand out. All of this burns away during the healing process as you become a whole human being. However, this is the only way to ensure you are whole and are able to live out the life you’ve dreamed of, while putting manipulators in their place with firm boundaries. The road is tough, the rewards are endless. Good luck in your journey!