Staying around a narcissist is a no-win situation. No matter what you do, you will lose. This is by design since they require control of all their subjects. The only way to be around them is to be slowly consumed by them. In this article, I will shed light on some of the interior of what is happening when you are with a narcissist.

Everything is Control

Everything a narcissist does is about admiration and control that puts them in the driver’s seat. Literally any action they take has some benefit to them in the long run. People who lack empathy, such as narcissists, don’t even care about their children. If it appears that they care, then you need to look deeper to figure out what’s in it for them. When you are in arguments with these types of people, it is not about logic, but about maintaining that they still matter in your life and can still push your buttons. Any reaction you give them without setting clear boundaries that have consequences when violated is playing right into their hands.

Improve yourself

Did I say no-win situation? Let me tell you what happens when you try to improve yourself or the relationship. The improvements you make remind the narcissist about the disowned parts of themselves and their current deficiencies. In other words, you are a mirror reflecting what they buried, so they hate you even more for helping out. Yes, you heard that right. You can do things to improve their life and they will hate you even more for it. Your reward will be increased aggression and rage.

NARCISSISTS REWRITE HISTORY

Piggybacking on the prior section, you may even show the narcissist something that they like. You may invest hours trying to get them to understand something. Not to worry, the narcissist playbook never fails. Not only will they take your discovery as theirs, but they will later gaslight you that they already knew what was talked about before the hours you wasted. You will certainly not receive any credit, and you will be exhausted trying to defend your memory of the events. Recall that narcissists rewrite history to make themselves appear untouchable. This adds to the draining effects of being around them.

Accidental Boundaries

Most partners of narcissistic people do not know how to set boundaries or do not have the confidence to enforce consequences when they are violated. This can be very dangerous for the unsuspecting person because saying NO to a narcissist is setting a boundary. Suggesting things will be done your way is another boundary that is a big No No in narcissistic relationships. All of a sudden, the codependent will experience love withdrawal, rage, or anger with the mask completely dropped. The unfortunate part is that the codependent usually rationalizes the behavior, not understanding that setting the boundary is what caused it, and the behavior they are witnessing is the real person they are with.

Be consumed

If you don’t fight back or try to improve the relationship, you will be consumed in the fog of abuse. The vampire character and the parasite are perfect examples of how the narcissist operates. They suck the life out of their host, leaving their host lifeless and themselves strong over time. There is nothing about this that can be done as the victims are usually weak adults with their own issues. It calls for a messy world, where nothing appears to be as it is when the unhealthy are considered. Looking through manipulation is tough as the codependent takes on more and more qualities of the narcissist the longer they are around them. They literally become consumed as if the narcissist is their dictator and voice.

The narcissists in your life

You may think that a romantic relationship is where the narcissist shows up in your life, but if you are attracted to narcissists, then you need to understand that your entire relationship template is oriented that way. You will likely have a narcissistic parent or caregiver. From there, the template was created where you gravitate to narcissists in relationships, at work, and in the playground. Your friends, colleagues, bosses, close family members, and intimate partners will all be narcissists as the unconscious pulls these opposites closer. It is imperative that this is understood. EVERY relationship you encounter that you look forward to will likely be with a narcissist, or whatever your relationship template reveals. To break out of this pattern, you must go through healing so that you no longer unconsciously attract these types of people.