When growing up in an abusive household, it appears the adult children are always in a hurry. Regardless of going to church and learning that love is patient, they are generally impatient, and certainly impatient while driving a car. What is it that makes everything seem rushed? Let’s dive in.

Have you ever noticed the unhealthy always rushing to everything? Why are they always in a rush? You can’t be in a rush to get back to your abuser, or could you? There is a sense of urgency amongst the abused, so as not to be made fun of or be late. For some reason, the abused seem to always be running late, which adds to the tension of their lives. The abuser also likely wants their victim to be in a state of urgency, so it is harder for them to think, which makes them easier to control. This equates to adults who are impatient and always seem to be in a rush.

Culture and social pressures also play a big role in why the unhealthy are always in a hurry. You have to be the first one to do it. You have to beat out the competition and gain dominant market share to earn recognition. These concepts don’t have much meaning to a healthy person. An unhealthy person, still searching for approval and recognition from among the collective, is busy trying to impress others by being the first.

While driving, an unhealthy person’s impatience shines through. You must be patient to drive safely and arrive at your destination. There are potentially thousands of people on the road, all trying to reach their destination, including you. Therefore, a system must be in place to allow all to travel safely. The unhealthy typically drive fast, slam on the brakes, and think they own the portion of the road they are driving on. This gives them a feeling of superiority over their fellow driver. Feelings they never experienced as children. When an inevitable conflict occurs, they likely project onto the other car what is unhealed within them. When they are in rideshares, they micromanage the driver as if missing a turn is the end of the world. This stems from their need to be in control, despite the fact that healing requires relinquishing it.

Your obsessive-compulsive behaviors may also play a factor in why you seem to always be in a hurry. These unconscious behaviors can easily raise your irritation level, putting you into fight-or-flight mode more quickly. They also have a black-and-white view of the world, so either somebody is right or wrong. As soon as you deem them wrong, you act, which comes across as impatient to observers.

In the black community, there is a common phrase to describe the mentally ill, colored people’s time (CP Time). I always saw it as disrespectful, and how could people not eventually learn to get somewhere on time, but now it all makes sense when you consider mental disorders. The mental shows up late to disrespect the organizer on purpose. The organizer must know they are in control.

They also count on an entrance where they are the center of attention. Or they make everyone wait on them if the meet-up requires everyone to be there. Once again, shifting attention to them. Now, if they are too late, they have to hurry. And they will never improve in the future because they are, in effect, children who never grow up and don’t know how to learn from experiences. Plus, they like the idea of control and being the center of attention. All unhealthy adults who experienced abuse or neglect suffer from adult child syndrome.

When you’re healing, time seems to stretch out a bit. You don’t necessarily have more of it, but you don’t really pay it any attention as you become a whole human being. Instead of this deadline or that start time, it is just when the time is right and aligned with my inner world. This is freeing and allows you to experience even the smallest moments with fulfillment. The goals and measures of success for an unhealed person differ drastically from those of a healed person, and so the perception of time warps accordingly. You’ll realize the healed person is relaxed and calm most of the time as life moves through them. This is the ultimate goal of all humans: to become whole and live out their true destiny as determined from within. Very few ever reach this stage.