Generational abuse is termed a “generational curse” by abusers caught in the unconscious cycle of unlived lives. This is detrimental to children born into such a family, and the path to break the chains is long and arduous. Get the information you need to understand how this cycle perpetuates from generation to generation.

Generations share their unlived lives

Psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg wrote an incredible book, The Human Magnet Syndrome, that explains this phenomenon well. To understand this, it is imperative to bring into the discussion the phrase, “Opposites Attract”. When growing up in an abusive or neglectful family where love is conditional and has to be earned through deeds, the child does not properly develop their sense of self. Instead, they lose themselves and have to perform to the parent through their ego. If the child fights their abuser, they become bullies and narcissists with a personality disorder. If the child fawns to their parent, they become codependent and caretakers. These are the only two options for the child, as there is no healthy example in the household for the child to learn from.

Caretakers put everyone before themselves, while narcissists put themselves before everyone. In a decent-sized abusive family, the children will either be caretakers or narcissists. Narcissists have no empathy for others and an unhealthy self-love through their ego. Caretakers have empathy for others and put themselves last, often leading to minimal self-love and resentment in their relationships. If the adults stay together and don’t divorce, then it is likely a narcissist and weak caretaker who will not fight back that are raising the children. This caretaker will be completely consumed by the narcissist and will not live out their lives in exchange for false love promises from the narcissist.

A healthy child has a healthy amount of healthy narcissism and empathy. They matter, but they are also compassionate for the well-being of others.

How the cycle repeats

Realizing the above to be true with experience and education from narcissistic counselors, the cycle is set in motion. All of the children are destined for toxic relationships because of the opposite effect. The unconscious seeks out what it is missing, hence the caretaker attracts the taker. If the child becomes a caretaker, they will find caretakers of the opposite sex to be more like a brother or sister (Charlie Kirk and Candace Owens). However, they will get an intense chemistry, called limerance, from the narcissist. This will put them in a toxic relationship that will result in children with the same options the parents had.

If, on the other hand, the child becomes a narcissist, then they would look for someone to take care of them and reflect their false ego back to them. Two narcissists would fight all the time as they both want to be the center of attention, so they would repel each other. But they will eventually seek out a codependent caretaker, who they can consume and use until they are of no use. Both the unhealthy caretaker and narcissist manipulate. It is much more likely that a caretaker can fully recover since they do not bury their inner child.

The unconscious contract for the caretaker is that the narcissist will stay if they earn their love and reflect them (like when they were children). The unconscious contract for the narcissist is that if I fight for the codependent, they will continue to take care of me. These contracts are not made consciously, as both are half-human and do not fully know themselves. They are, in essence, finding the parts of themselves they disowned to survive their childhood in another.

Two half people in a relationship do not make a whole relationship, and if the codependent caretaker eventually starts to fight back or say, what about me, conflict will erupt, and the toxic relationship will come to an end with no closure.

“The generational curse is generational abuse.”

Breaking out of the cycle

Breaking out of the cycle takes immense courage and a relearning of what it means to be a child. It requires listening to your gut and inner child, and trusting your perception so you no longer get gaslit by incoming manipulators.

It is labeled, “The Road Less Traveled” because it is traveled by few. People would rather be with the demon they know, rather than the freedom they don’t. The following must be done to go through healing and break out of the cycle.

The individual must learn to set healthy boundaries and rules of their life.

The individual must integrate their shadow (aspects of themselves that have been disowned – intuition, resentment, anger, dreams, and boundaries for caretakers)

The individual must do inner child work to let the child know it is safe for them to come out and play, while the adult listens to them, as they were not listened to as a child.

This work is tough, as you must reorganize your psyche and completely transform your worldview. However, if you make it to the end of the road, the rewards are plentiful. A life of freedom where dreams are pursued without fear.

This also breaks the cycle down the line as the future children are provided with unconditional love, while removing them from the maze of toxicity they would otherwise be enslaved in.