Narcissists come in all shapes and sizes, so staying on top of your manipulation regulation game is imperative in today’s world. They maintain their grandiose sense of superiority by indirectly getting narcissistic supply from their victim. Here are some of the dark manipulation tactics used by narcissists to gain the upper hand.

Lying / Denial

Narcissists lie with ease. They are the exact opposite of the partners they usually attract. Most of their partners find it easy to tell the truth and hard to lie. The narcissist is the opposite. They find it easy to lie and hard to tell the truth. If you’ve been with a narcissist, you’ve been lied to. They may also deny that something was said, even though it was, which may be part of playing dumb. They also lie by omission and exaggerate stories.

isolation

Narcissists isolate their victims in an effort to have them fully dependent on their approval. This can be physical isolation by having them move to a location with no family and friends. They can also isolate them by sending subliminal messages that their friends are jealous of their relationship. Either way, the goal is to have the victim available without a support system.

gASlighting

This is when the manipulator changes their victim’s environment, then blames them for it or tries to make the altered environment their reality. For example, a narcissist may move things around in a room so their victim cannot find things where they put them. When confronted by the victim about where something is, they will gaslight them and tell them that they are having memory loss issues, and show them where the item is. If the victim is not careful, they will start to internalize that they have memory loss issues and will begin to depend on their abuser for their memory. This is precisely the goal of the abuser. If you’ve been successfully scammed, then you’ve been gaslit throughout your life.

playing dumb

Abusers play dumb when they are confronted by their victims. Rather than being accountable for their actions, they act as if they are clueless about what the victim is talking about. This alleviates the abuser of any responsibility as the victim is confused or may even feel superior to their abuser, while in reality, they are being played.

silent treatment

This manipulation tactic is also known as ghosting. It can be bone-crushing to the victim because loneliness is something that most victims fear. Ross Rosenberg calls it pathological loneliness, where being alone is almost worse than being physically abused by someone. The silent treatment is employed to have the victim think about their actions one thousand times over and have them come running back trying to explain things they were never asked to explain. This is a punishment, so if you are given the silent treatment, it’s because you did something wrong in the mentally disordered person’s head. Of course, being human is not wrong, and so the victim will be confused.

guilt tripping

Guilt is an extremely powerful emotion that triggers shame in unhealthy people. If the abuser can use guilt to get the victim to act in the way they want, they will employ this tactic unconsciously and consciously. This tactic is also used when the victim begins to set boundaries to get them back in line.

blame game

When you live with a narcissist, you get blamed for everything the narcissist cannot take ownership of in their grandiose false ego. You may or may not understand it, but it can be very frustrating when the narcissist blames you, and you clearly know they are at fault. The blame game is not beneficial to anyone and is absent in healthy relationships.

boundary violations

When the victim begins to say no, they may not realize that they are setting boundaries. If you’ve ever said no to a narcissist or told them how you want things done, then get ready to have the envelope pushed and violated. Narcissists ALWAYS violate boundaries as predictably as they lie. And they lie with ease.

name calling / gossip / smearing

The narcissist usually creates a nickname for their victim that unconsciously calls the victim names. One of my narcissists called me “BIG HEAD”, even though her actual head was 20 to 40 percent bigger than mine. They name-call to set the narrative as they gossip to their flying monkey friends. Then, after the discard phase, they call you unstable and smear your name to their flying monkeys.

playing the victim

Narcissists play the victim when confronted. They convert from the persecutor role to the victim role, hoping the other party will play the rescuer role. The covert type must also always be the biggest victim. Everyone must see how much they’ve suffered and how life has been unfair to them, even though their life was much better than yours on paper (my case). They also play the victim after they rage-bait you and set you up to turn the tables. Now they are the victim of the unstable abuser (you, the real victim)

hoovering

Narcissists hoover over their victims after they’ve smeared their name to keep tabs on them. This can be more frightening if they stalk their victim and show up at random places where they know their victim will be. ‍Sometimes they hoover by keeping the sexual relationship going after the relationship has ended. Unfortunately, this gives the unhealthy codependent a feeling of power without realizing that they are just being watched and played. The line “a dick in a jar” applies here.

“Stay on top of the dark manipulation tactics of narcissists, so you’re never caught off guard.”

Bait and switch

In this manipulation tactic, the narcissist baits the victim with something of high value to them. They promise the victim that they can use and interact with the high-value item in the bait portion.

Once the victim complies because of the high-value item that has meaning to them, they switch and may start to rage, withdraw, or fail to uphold their end of the promise. This tactic is usually used to set up the victim.

perfect family narrative

Most narcissists are part of a perfect family cult where they must project to the world that they’re perfect. In such a family, all of the members are miserable, living as extensions of the cult leader or the alpha narcissist.

conclusion

Being with a narcissist is a full-time job if you know what you’re dealing with. There are many things to look out for, but it is quite straightforward to recognize after healing. If you feel that you are doing something indirectly without conscious effort, then you are likely being manipulated. View the article on Conversational Manipulation by narcissists to see how they manipulate during an argument.
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