They tell you that opposites attract. They are right, they do attract. However, the way in which they are right is at the surface level. A short person does not attract a tall person, nor a fat person a skinny one. Opposites attract has nothing to do with the physical. That superficial version allows you to feel like the asshole you’re dating processes data in normal human ways while keeping you in the dark as to what is really being attracted. Let’s dive in.

The term opposites attract is one of the most important phrases in the healing journey. Understanding this concept can help you understand your past life and aid you in your future life. Even in a healed state, if you find yourself attracted to another, it makes sense to double-check that they are not your opposite psyche when you were unhealed. Next, we’ll look at what the attraction of opposites actually is that pulls you towards another.

The part of you that is your opposite is the part of you that has been disowned. The disowned parts were established in childhood as you adapted to survive it through an ego version of yourself. This has made you defenseless or predatory to others based on which parts you disowned. Your opposites will be seen in the real world in another human who has the parts you’ve disowned and lacks the parts you’ve kept. 

So when you finally meet someone that you fall in love with, you do not actually fall in love with the person. You fall in love with the disowned parts of yourself and the potential future you could have with this person if they were to heal. You do not see the person for what they are because you are blinded by not having experience (ie. disowned parts of yourself).

You are attracted to the parts of you that you were forced to throw in the trash to survive (they go into your shadow). You’re not actually attracted to the person because you are not able to recognize their facade and are not able to see them. You became intoxicated with their fake confidence and esteem rather than seeing them for who they truly were. Both parties project onto their partner and effectively use each other differently to survive in the world.

ROLES AND THEIR NEEDS

Let’s look at a few roles of those who turn out to be caretakers after surviving their childhood. If you identify with these roles, you actually require the opposite to be functional and deemed worthy of yourself. Who are you without the role, and would others stay without it, is the million-dollar question few ask.

People pleaser – low self-esteem, needs people (anybody, please)

Caretaker – needs taker

Fixer – needs destroyer

Rescuer – needs an aloof and clueless person

Peacemaker –  needs trouble makers

Emotional Translator – needs mentally ill people who can’t read the room

SPLIT VIEW OF THE WORLD

The opposites attract phenomenon also splits the world in half for the unhealthy person. If opposites attract, then similarities repel. Hence, if you are a caretaker, you would naturally attract selfish, self-centered people throughout your entire life. This can lead to statements like “All women are hoes” or “All men are dogs”.

In reality, both men and women are loyal and want a long relationship with another. However, they are not attracted to each other. They are attracted to their opposites, and so, from their world perspective, it appears every single person is fill-in-the-blank. But that is not the case. What you attract is fill-in-the-blank; the world has people from all walks of life in both sexes.

OPPOSITES ATTRACT APPLIES SEXUALLY

The dominant, controlling person takes control of sex. The dominant player can be male or female. The weaker player can be male or female. Men are not the dominant ones in the bedroom. That is made up. The more controlling and likely mentally ill partner is dominant in the bedroom.

If you just sit there during sex and let your partner take charge, then it is likely you have a caretaker ego, and the narcissist will gladly take charge since they must be in control. You have also likely been shrinking your entire life slowly. And your sexual desires have shrunk right along with the rest of you.

To heal this from the source, you must become whole and integrate the parts of you that were disowned to survive your childhood. You are no longer a child, yet you are running the same scripts as an adult that you ran as a child.

YOU MARRY YOUR MOTHER OR YOUR FATHER

This is only true for guys if their mother has the opposite psyche as the son. A girl only marries her father if the psyches are opposite. In my case, I did marry my mother; however, I’m also the only caretaker in my family. My brothers are selfish and narcissistic like my mother, so when they marry, they would not be marrying their mother, since their wives would likely be other people-focused and not selfish.