Unhealthy people unknowingly give their time, energy, resources, and money into a black hole. They think they are saving the world by making this one mentally ill individual function, but the reality is that they need to rethink what is really going on. When you invest your time and energy into the needs and wants of a narcissist, then you are being drained and will never be recognized by the world or the narcissist. After all, I don’t care about the narcissist you’re helping out so much. Nobody else does either. Let’s dig in.

THE FANTASY ROUSE

This article will describe a romantic relationship with a narcissist. However, the same topics apply to relationships with narcissistic parents, friends, and colleagues. While in a relationship with a narcissist, you get love-bombed up front to get you on the hook. This places you on a pedestal as the savior and the person they’ve been looking for their whole lives. This soon passes when they realize this idealized part of themselves also has a shadow that sets boundaries and doesn’t want to be eternally consumed. The fantasy quickly dissipates, revealing their true nature. This hit to their esteem leads to devaluation and critique of their victim. After healing, one must realize that both people are using each other, which is why becoming whole is the antidote.

REGAINING YOUR FOOTING

As a naive person, you continue to give and bend to try to hold things together. You are hoping to return to the love-bombing phase, but that phase was a facade. When you realize things are not working out, you begin to withdraw, and they respond by throwing breadcrumbs of love your way. This high-and-low emotional state keeps you off balance and reduces you to an animal-like state. Yet, you keep giving hoping to make things work in the relationship.

You must realize that energy is finite, so any energy you are pouring into the relationship is energy not invested elsewhere. Being around a narcissist is a full-time job trying to make them stable by sacrificing yourself. But that energy is being consumed to keep the relationship going. If you don’t provide the energy, you will either receive rage or the relationship will fizzle away. The problem is that it is impossible to satisfy the narcissist, so you are effectively throwing energy that could be used towards you into the trash for a pointless, minimal approval, if that.

Rather than pouring your soul into a relationship to keep up a facade to the world that this beautiful man or woman loves you, you would be better off pouring that energy back into yourself. Learning as much as you can about the world and taking steps toward independence within it. This is described as self-love, as you must first love and respect yourself before you can share real love with others.

CONCLUSION

Living with a narcissist is draining and sucks the life force out of you. However, you attracted the narcissist because of unhealed parts within yourself. Taking steps to improve yourself and become a healthier you can go a long way toward avoiding entanglements with similar people in the future. Take a deep look at yourself and integrate your shadow aspects. Stop name-calling, gossiping, and projecting your insecurities onto others. This is a sign of emotional maturity and is required to put your energy where it belongs. To yourself first.